OK, let's just face it...tourists are becoming a problem. Everywhere. I grew up in a little town called Oakhurst, California. Never head of it? Well, if you've ever ventured your way up to Yosemite, you most likely have. It's really nothing more than a bunch of old people (which caused the nickname of "Oakyhurst" by us kids) and trees. It looks something like the following:
If you look towards the center of the picture, you'll see what we call "buildings." That's really about it for the town. But that's all beside the point. We get tourists like you wouldn't believe coming through this little town getting to the mountain you see at the far end of the picture. And you know what? It's mostly Asians. Now, I'm definitely not a racist person, but I used to work at a grocery store and there used to be bus after bus after bus of Asian tours of America, and of course Yosemite is on the list. At the Raley's I worked at, there was an in door and an out door, and they were automatic. I kid you not with this: I once saw one Asian go to the out door and try to open it, and when it didn't work the entire bus lined up behind him, confused out of their mind. Not one of them -- not a single one -- tried the door right next to it. I went over to the out door with a look of confusion at the idiocy in front of me and pointed to the other door. They all had the look of "EUREKA!" on their face, like it was a di
fficult thing to try to find their way into a store.
This is truly when my hatred for tourists began, working at this grocery store. There would be huge lines of tourists (not all of them Asian, that's just one of my favorite occurrences) and they'd be buying really small things. A candy bar for their ride up, some corn, some pickles, who knows. There was once when every single person in the line bought an apple. One apple. It was like 20 minutes worth of bagging apples. Seriously?
Going into Yosemite was definitely an experience as well. We almost got into a car accident once, because tourists find the need to take pictures of everything. Not only do they find the need to take a picture of everything, they find that they must stop in the middle of the road to do so. Because, clearly, no one else is trying to drive. We were looking out the window and I had to slam on the brakes and almost got rear-ended because someone stopped in the middle of the road. I figured there was a traffic jam or something, so I craned my head out to see what was going on.
The idiots in front of me found the need to stop and hold up traffic so they could take a picture of a squirrel. A SQUIRREL! Like it was going to be the only stupid squirrel they were going to see the entire time they were there. And they didn't take one picture, no no that wouldn't be good enough. They had to capture it from every which angle imaginable. It was ridiculous. And of course, they had to ignore everyone who was honking their horns or doing anything to try to get them to MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.
I also used to work at a hotel. A prime place for tourist action, right? It was actually a really nice hotel, and in complete and honest truth, it was the favorite job I ever had. See, I usually didn't have to deal with the idiot tourists. I worked in the banquets area and usually only had to worry about setting up buffets for weddings, conferences, dances, things of the like. There were a few times over the summer where I needed to pick up some extra hours, so they would shove me over to the restaurants to help when they needed a host to seat people. First of all, people need to stop being so picky about where they eat. You're going to get your food one way or another, just chill. I don't care if you want to si
t by the fire pit outside so you're warmer. If you're cold, sit inside and ask for a window seat. There's no mosquitoes and you still get the same view.Second of all, sometimes people need to calm down about when they get their food. There's this thing called first come first serve, and I'm not going to ask somebody to leave the restaurant because you decided to come at 730 in the evening and expect there to be nobody around. Don't take your pager and come back and say "You said it would be 15-20 minutes. It's been 15 minutes, where's my table." Did I call you? No. Also, I said 15-20. You still have five minutes. Don't act all high and mighty just because you're from another country. (The one person who actually did that was from France. Just to throw out another stereotype.) Maybe I should do another customers rant...
Anyway, we got asked some pretty stupid questions up there from some of the out-of-countriers. Like, "How do you keep all the animals fed?" Are you serious? It's called WILDLIFE. They take care of themselves, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there for them too. We have no control over how they get fed. "What time do you turn on and off the waterfalls?" Well, actually, there is a little thing called evaporation...So when summer hits, if it's hot enough and there's no rain, the waterfalls will evaporate and that's when we turn them off. We do a rain dance to call on the rain so we can turn them back on so your dumb ass can see them again. "Are all the rocks real?" Nope! We actually made them out of paper mache. It was a lot of work, but hey, it brings us a lot of money! "Did you carve the rocks?" Absolutely, that's why half dome is so popular. Because it was man made.
I mean, seriously? There's just a certain level of stupidity people reach that just makes me wonder how mankind has actually been able to survive this long. I mean, how did we discover fire? Electricity? How to fly? Cars? Anything? It just seems like the great majority of people out there are morons who probably wouldn't even know how to add up 2 plus 2. AND THE WORST PART ABOUT EVERYTHING -- they're all rich! How do you have so much money if you don't have a single brain cell flowing through up there? I mean, I know there's a thing called inheritance and I know that you probably haven't worked a day in your life and you're just a bimbo, but come on!!! How have you made it to your late forties without a single drop of smarts in you?
I now live in Monterey. Another intensely tourist-infested place. We recently just hosted the US Open, and good LORD was there a lot of people. I mean, what do retired people do? Sit around and think "Oh, hey, we should go watch a bunch of cool celebrities we've actually never heard of swing a club at a ball. We probably won't be able to see them, but let's go!" I lived five miles away from where I worked (and I get to use the past tense because I'm finally out of htat place) and it took me 25 minutes to get to work. It usually takes me about 8. It was ridiculous. And at the time, I worked at Borders. And everyone would come in when they weren't watching golf. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Why are you not out enjoying yourself? I mean, I understand that golf already isn't the most exciting thing in the world, but why are you spending your free time in Borders? You most likely have one where you're from, and if you don't SO WHAT!?! I don't want to hear about your life. I don't care.
Now, don't get me wrong. Going to new places and take pictures to chronicle your events and all of that stuff is fun. I get it. But come on. There's a certain etiquette you should figure out. So please. Figure it out.